Lucky Me

I've long been unlucky. Not to be confused with unfortunate—just unlucky. I've never won big on a scratch-off. To the point that the hope that once filled my insides when my parents came into the car and said "Here, you scratch. If you win we'll go half." was replaced with a knowing sense of disappointment. This was magnified when I went to Vegas, where pull after pull the red-hot flaming sevens came up juuusssstt off center. Bummer. As far back as in my middle school basketball games I can remember rimming-out game winning buzzer beating jumpers. By the age of, say, 14, I'd accepted that I was destined to live a life absent of luck.

It's a good thing, too, I think. Because in the absent of luck, I developed a pretty strong work ethic. I learned that without random luck, I'd need purposeful skills and practice and repetition if I ever wanted good things to happen to me. That's gotten me scholarships and a few reliable moves I can bust out on the blacktop when my shot isn't falling. It's taught me the value of increasing odds through diversifying assets, if you will.

But it's never made me lucky.

That's what I thought, at least. But then I reconnected with this girl I knew a few years back, when I wasn't who I'd become, and she wasn't yet who she'd become, and we were both fumbling about bettering ourselves through an extended process of trial and error. We liked each other then, but as unlucky as ever, it didn't work out. We ended up not talking for close to 3 years.

Right now, I'm listening to the most recent mixtape she made me, titled honey for my honey.

I have a theory, I think that all of us have a fixed amount of luck that is predetermined at birth and is intended to last a lifetime. Some of us get good health, some of us get riches, some of us get great friendships and most of us get some mix of all of the above. I got her.

I got her after 3 years lived, and thousands of steps walked and millions of breaths took. I got her after accepting who I was, acknowledging who I wasn't, and deciding who I wanted to be. I once thought myself unlucky, but 3 years later I got the one who got away. If that doesn't make me the luckiest person this side of the sun, I don't know what does.

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